


The Evils of Pie

by IHScribe



Series: The Evils of Pie Series [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, Moriarty doesn't take getting pied very well at all, Sherlock gets pied in the face, Sherlock is not the only one to get covered in pie either, and then comes back for more
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2014-03-05
Packaged: 2018-01-01 22:18:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1049210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IHScribe/pseuds/IHScribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock gets a surprise when he goes snooping in the new neighbor's apartment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Apple Pie and Cherry Pie

**Author's Note:**

> Fandoms: Sherlock, Harry Potter
> 
> Characters: Sherlock Holmes, Harry Potter
> 
> Prompt: Apple pie
> 
> Prompt Made By: I. H. Scribe
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless I. H. Scribe is listed after Prompt Made By chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.

After the War ended, Harry Potter decided he needed a nice quiet life, away from the press, well-wishers, and most importantly Ginny bloody Weasley. Well, it wasn't Ginny herself that was the problem. She and Harry had decided that they had outgrown one another and officially officially (as opposed to the unofficially officially end at the end of Harry's sixth year) ended the relationship.

Molly, Ron, Hermione, and the majority of the Wizards thought it was only a matter of time before they got back together. Anytime they were so much as mentioned in the same sentence (not to mention actually being in the same general vicinity of the other), they were both told repeatedly how perfect they would be together if they would just stop dragging their feet.

Ginny, who had six boyfriends at Hogwarts, not counting Harry, had attempted to date casually. But any time she showed more than platonic interest in someone, they mentioned that she was with Harry. Harry had also attempted to go on a few dates, but got the same response.

Ginny had eventually found a foreign wizard, who whisked her off to Australia. Harry was then told repeatedly that he should go win her back. So it was definitely time to move. And, by luck, he found a small flat that was nice, but not too expensive for him. Ten minutes later he and Mrs. Hudson, the landlady, signed the paperwork, and Harry Potter was the new resident of 221C Baker Street.

Harry decided to try his hand at baking. When the coffee shop next door went out of business, he got in a nasty bidding war with a sub chain, but came out the victor. Two months later, Lunar Snowfall Sweets held its grand opening. Mrs. Hudson was his first customer, and within a week he was raking in the profits as more and more customers came to buy his cakes, cookies, pies, and homemade candies.

He barely noticed six months later when a Mr. Holmes and Dr. Watson moved in upstairs. He did notice when Mr. Holmes began breaking into his flat repeatedly. And a plan came to Harry. An ingenious, evil plan. And when Harry left for work one morning, Mr. Holmes took the bait.

* * *

Sherlock was curious about the downstairs neighbor. It was a feeling he was very much unaccustomed to. And as the man himself was rarely around, Sherlock took it upon himself to pick the man's lock. And really, if the man were really trying to keep someone out, he'd invest in better locks. His bakery next door was obviously doing well if the plasma TV and state of the art computer were any indication, so he could certainly afford it.

But this time, something new adorned the normally blank walls. In the kitchen, hanging above the sink, there was a painting. It opened on a hinge, revealing a brand new, very shiny safe. Sherlock couldn't help himself, and began to crack the code. It wouldn't be hard for him.

2-21-3

Not very hard at all. C was the third letter of the alphabet, hence the 3, and the man really shouldn't have made the code the address. When he opened the door of the safe, Sherlock's mind barely managed to get out 'Why is there a pie?' before-

SPLAT!

The apple pie in the safe nailed him in the face. Sherlock stood dumbstruck for a few moments before glaring at the safe and storming out of the flat.

* * *

Later that evening, Mrs. Hudson introduced him to Harry Potter. The man tilted his head and then smirked.

"Have any pie lately, Mr. Holmes?" Harry asked. Sherlock glared at him. Mrs. Hudson remained oblivious.

"Oh you must try some, Sherlock. He's a wonderful cook."

"I tried the apple earlier. It wasn't to my taste." The cinnamon smell took three washings to get out of his hair.

"Perhaps, you'd prefer the cherry." Harry said.

"I sincerely doubt it and have no intention of trying it."

"Oh? And why not. I assure you Mr. Holmes, all my pies are  _safe_." Harry wore a grin as he said this, and John finally caught on that there was a hidden meaning behind their words.

"I won't be so easily tricked the next time, Mr. Potter," Sherlock said as he walked up the stairs to 221B

"Why do I get the feeling he's not talking about you tricking him into eating the pie?" John asked. Harry's only reply was to laugh.

* * *

Three days later, Sherlock picked the lock to 221C again and headed for the safe. The code was 7-31-8. The lock on the safe only went up to 50, but if one were to add a zero after the eight, it would be Potter's birthday. Sherlock ducked before opening the safe. When nothing happened, he took a peek inside the safe.

SPLAT!

A cherry pie smacked into his forehead. Sherlock gave a frustrated grunt before heading up to 221B to wash the cherry from his hair. Hopefully, it would be easier than the apple.


	2. Lemon Meringue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fandoms: Harry Potter, Sherlock
> 
> Characters: Harry Potter, Sherlock Holmes
> 
> Prompt: Lemon
> 
> Prompt Made By: GhostWalker
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless I. H. Scribe is listed after Prompt Made By chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.

Sherlock slowly and carefully cracked the code on the safe. Potter changed it every time, but it was always so easy to figure out. The thought that Potter might be trying to make it easy on purpose never even crossed his mind.

8-10-16

A letter cipher again – this time spelling out Potter's initials – HJP. Sherlock shook his head at the ease of guessing the combination. The safe opened.

Sherlock, rather than peeking as he did last time, placed his hand in front of the open safe, then quickly removed it. Another cherry pie shot out of the safe, and landed on the counter behind him.

"Ha!" Sherlock let out a triumphant yell.

Only for another pie – lemon meringue this time – smack into the back of his head. Sherlock turned around to see a small opening in the wall opposite the safe. He glared at the wall before storming out. John came through the door as Sherlock reached the stairs, and stared dumbfounded at him. Sherlock glared in return.

"Don't. Say. A word," Sherlock said. Sherlock stormed up the stairs, pretending he couldn't hear John at the bottom of them, laughing his head off.


	3. Pumpkin Pie with Whipped Cream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fandoms: Harry Potter, Sherlock
> 
> Characters: Harry Potter, Sherlock Holmes
> 
> Prompt: Pumpkin with Whipped Cream
> 
> Prompt Made By: GhostWalker
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless I. H. Scribe is listed after Prompt Made By chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.

Sherlock's next chance to take a crack at the safe was on Halloween. Potter had stayed home from work the past few days, apparently preparing for his godson to stay over. The little boy, with shockingly bright pink hair, insisted on them going Trick-or-Treating. Both Potter and his godson left, dressed in brightly colored robes covered in stars, and pointy hats.

10-31-2

Sherlock was almost disappointed. Today's date? Well, close enough. He wasn't sure what the two was for, but he put it out of his mind as he opened the safe. His fingers set off the cherry pie again, and Sherlock twirled around, and then jumped to the left to avoid the lemon meringue.

Sherlock's triumph was only momentary as a metal arm came out of the wall, and threw a pumpkin pie into his face. Sherlock stared at the metal arm, trying to figure out how Potter had attached it to the wall without it being obvious to Sherlock when he first entered.

The arm shifted, pointing a nozzle at him, and fired a stream of whipped cream at him. Sherlock rushed out of the flat and up the stairs to his own, passing Mrs. Hudson on the way.

"Sherlock!? What on earth? Why are you covered in whipped cream? And is that pumpkin? Sherlock?"


	4. Evils of Pie: An Accidental Pie-ing (Pumpkin Pie)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fandoms: Sherlock, Harry Potter
> 
> Characters: Teddy Lupin, Harry Potter
> 
> Prompt: Teddy catches Harry in the act of setting up a pie which makes him forget to protect himself from the pie
> 
> Prompt Made By: x Ace x Girl x Called x Ace x
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless I. H. Scribe is listed after Prompt Made By chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.

"Uncle Harry, what are you doing?" Teddy asked.

"Wha?" Harry said, letting go of the metal arm and getting a pumpkin pie thrown in his face. "Well, now I know how Sherlock feels," he muttered. He whispered a cleaning spell, before grabbing another pie and putting it on the arm, setting the arm back against the wall, and casting a notice-me-not charm on it.

Teddy watched this all this, very confused. "Uncle Harry?" he asked again.

"Hmm? Yes, what is it Teddy-bear?"

"What are you doing?" he repeated.

"Leaving a trap for a friend," Harry said. "Kind of like how Uncle George leaves one for Aunt Hermione sometimes."

"Oh," Teddy said. "Are we still going trick-or-treating?"

"Of course we are," Harry said, "but before we do, do you want to see something funny?"

"Uh huh," Teddy said, nodding eagerly.

"Well, my friend has already sprung the trap a few times, and I've got videos."

"Ooh," Teddy said. "Are they really funny?"

"The look on his face when he gets pied is hilariously funny," Harry assured his godson.

"Okay!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place shortly before the Pumpkin Pie chapter, timeline wise. And with at least three more chapters coming after this one, I'm removing this story's 'Complete' status (on Fanfiction.net). Honey pie, Sherlock finding out about the videos, and Moriarty getting pied are coming soon (maybe not in that order, though).


	5. Honey Pie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fandoms: Sherlock, Harry Potter
> 
> Characters: Sherlock Holmes
> 
> Prompt: honey pie
> 
> Prompt Made By: zeynel
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless I. H. Scribe is listed after Prompt Made By chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.

Sherlock broke into 221C yet again. He specifically looked for the metal pie-throwing arm along the wall, and found it, wondering again how he could have possibly missed it. He puzzled over the mystery for a few moments before turning to the safe.

2-23-12

Sherlock tried to think about what it could mean, but even using an letter cypher only gave the letters BWL, which didn't mean anything to him. Pausing another few moments for the new mystery, Sherlock finally opened the safe.

He dodged all the pies that had been thrown at him previously, keeping his eyes open, trying to figure out which direction the next pie would come from. He waited a few seconds after the pumpkin pie flew over his head – no whipped cream this time – but no new pie came flying at him.

Perhaps Potter had not had the time to add a new one to the collection? It surely must take time to clean up the mess the pies made – especially after they've been sitting for a few hours – and cook more pies to be placed in the trap.

Yes, that must be it. Potter just didn't have time to add a new one yet. Perhaps he would have one by tomorrow. With that thought, Sherlock began to exit the kitchen.

SPLAT!

A pie splattered across his face. Honey, judging by the bit he got in his mouth. He hadn't even been aware there was such a thing as honey pies. He wiped the pie from his eyes, so he could open them, and stared in shock at what was before him.

Another metal arm.

He exited the kitchen, looking up at the where the arm was connected to the wall. It was right above the opening that led to the kitchen. Sherlock should have seen it the moment he entered the apartment, if not before entering the kitchen to get to the safe.

So how had he missed it!?

Again!

Sherlock stood dumbstruck for several minutes, before a piece of honey pie dripped off his head and on to the carpet, reminding him of its presence. Sherlock shook his head, dislodging more pieces of pie. He'd think on his new mystery later. First, a shower.

It would, to Sherlock's displeasure, take several washings to get the sticky honey out of his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not having heard of honey pie myself, Harry just used some honey as pie filling. For all I know, that's what honey pie is anyway.
> 
> Also, it was x Ace x Girl x Called x Ace x's idea to use BWL (2-23-12) or YKW (25-11-23) for the combination code. YKW will come later. Mycroft getting his hands on the videos and getting pied himself is also coming. As is Sherlock managing to dodge all the pies only to get a nasty surprise.


	6. Videos (No Pie)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fandoms: Sherlock, Harry Potter
> 
> Characters: Sherlock Holmes, Harry Potter
> 
> Prompt: Sherlock finds out about the videos of him getting hit with pies.
> 
> Prompt Made By: I. H. Scribe
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless I. H. Scribe is listed after Prompt Made By chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.

"Potter. I believe this is yours," Sherlock said, holding a giggling Teddy upside down by his ankle.

"So it is," Harry said. "Teddy, what have I told you about going to Sherlock and John's apartment without permission?"

"Sherlock does it to ours."

"And he gets pied in the face every time," Harry reminded Teddy, smirking at the disgruntled look on Sherlock's face. "Do you want him and John to start pie-ing you in the face?"

"No," Teddy said. "Can I watch the videos again?"

"What videos?" Sherlock asked.

"The ones of you getting hit with pies," Harry said. "Sure you can Teddy. Go get my laptop."

"You have videos of me getting hit with pies on your laptop?"

"No. I have videos of you getting hit with pies on YouTube. The laptop just has internet access."

"YouTube!?"

"Don't worry, dear. They're marked private. Though I do send the links to John and your brother."

"You send them to Mycroft!?"

"Got it!" Teddy said, running back into the room with Harry's laptop.

"You are an evil little cretin," Sherlock said, before turning on his heel and leaving the apartment.

* * *

Once back in his own apartment, Sherlock begun searching for the videos on YouTube – he'd find that camera and break it – only to conclude that Harry had indeed made the videos private.

An alert popped up on his email's inbox.  **IlikePieInTheMornings has sent you a YouTube video!**  the subject said. He clicked on the link within, watched the video, and then began laughing. There was a reason Mycroft hadn't mocked him about the pie videos yet.

Apparently Sherlock hadn't been the only Holmes to be caught in one of Harry's traps. Sherlock left a comment on the video:  _I'll pay you if you can get Moriarty with the same trick._

He got Harry's reply a short time later:  _Deal._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As far as I am aware, there is no actual YouTube user named IlikePieInTheMornings, and, if there is, I sincerely doubt they have any videos, private or otherwise, of Sherlock Holmes – or even just Benedict Cumberbatch – getting hit with any pies.
> 
> If there is and they do, bravo, whoever you are – you win the internet. No, seriously, the whole internet – it's yours. Have fun with it and please let us lesser mortals continue using it.


	7. Seltzer (Also No Pie)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fandoms: Sherlock, Harry Potter
> 
> Characters: Sherlock Holmes
> 
> Prompt: Sherlock successfully avoids the pies, only to get a seltzer to the crotch
> 
> Prompt Made By: picabone99
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless I. H. Scribe is listed after Prompt Made By chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.

Sherlock had done it!

He had managed to dodge all the pies by predicting where the newest one would be. Sherlock would never admit to jumping up and down and cheering, regardless of whatever video Harry had for proof. He heard a hissing noise and turned around. Perhaps he had been celebrating too soon and there was another pie?

No.

It was a seltzer bottle.

Suddenly the end of the seltzer bottle burst open, sending the bottle flying forward into Sherlock's crotch. Sherlock spent the next few minutes in too much pain to think.

After he recovered, he decided not to celebrate so hard next time he dodged all the pies. That seltzer trap – set to a type of motion detector no doubt – was truly vicious.

* * *

"I've got no idea where that even came from," Harry said, as he uploaded the video to YouTube and sent Mycroft and John the link. "I don't even have any seltzer bottles."

Behind Harry, invisible, Kreacher snickered happily. If the stupid muggle didn't want to get hit with something, it shouldn't be going after Master Harry's safe. Kreacher didn't know why the Master only used  _pies_  of all things to hit the muggle with. He didn't even put any acid in them to eat the muggle's face away!

Silly Master Harry. Stupid muggle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you looked at the Wikipedia article for a seltzer bottle? The picture its (currently, as of me writing this) got at the top looks awfully scary to hit anywhere, much less a man's groin.
> 
> Poor Sherlock.
> 
> Mycroft getting pied is next chapter. Moriarty's _should_ be right after that, but I don't have that one written completely yet.
> 
> I am accepting prompts on Fanfiction.net and Livejournal. For more information on prompts, click [here for FF.net](http://www.fanfiction.net/u/5241068/) and go to the Accepting Prompts Section, or click [here for livejournal](http://ihscribe.livejournal.com/557.html) and see the Accepting Prompts post.


	8. Chocolate Pie (Mycroft) (Triple Prompt)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fandoms: Sherlock, Harry Potter
> 
> Characters: Mycroft Holmes, Harry Potter
> 
> The following prompts just went so well together, so I did them all together.
> 
> Prompt 1: Mycroft getting pied
> 
> Prompt 1 Made By: namae1809
> 
> Prompt 2: Mycroft getting the videos of Sherlock
> 
> Prompt 2 Made By: Queen of the Ice
> 
> Prompt 3: Chocolate Pie
> 
> Prompt 3 Made By: RuneWitchSakura
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless I. H. Scribe is listed after Prompt Made By chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.

Mycroft wasn't completely sure what Sherlock had been doing in 221C, but as he kept coming out covered in something – the few cameras that had survived Sherlock's bug sweep couldn't quite make it out – he thought it was high time he investigated. Mycroft himself would be doing the investigating, as the person in question was close to his brother.

After getting the keys – Mrs. Hudson had a soft spot for Mycroft almost as large as the one she had for Sherlock – and unlocking the door, Mycroft pushed the door open with his umbrella, and walked into 221C warily.

Nothing seemed out of place. There were no large messes, which in itself was strange considering Sherlock had just recently come out of the apartment covered in something; perhaps Potter had already been by to clean it?

A pie fell from the ceiling and landed on Mycroft's head with a wet sounding  _plop!_  Mycroft froze as the thin aluminum pie pan slowly slid off his head and down his face.

_Well, at least its chocolate pie_ , thought Mycroft.

* * *

Harry entered his apartment to find a very annoyed man standing in the middle of his kitchen, bits and pieces of a chocolate pie still sliding off his head.

"Is there any particular reason you're in my apartment, Mister...?"

"You may call me M."

"Ah, you'd be Mycroft then. John warned me I'd be getting a visit from you soon."

Mycroft rolled his eyes, huffed, and said, "I came to see whatever it is that my brother has been doing in your apartment."

"And I can see you found out," Harry replied.

"I…this is what he's been doing? Getting hit with pies?"

"Yep. I even have videos."

"...Show me."

* * *

Mycroft forgave him for the chocolate pie, on the condition that he was notified whenever there was a new video. Rather than have Mycroft or his assistant – Liza today – come over and pick up a copy, Harry decided it would be much easier to get a YouTube account, and just make the videos private, only sending the links to Mycroft, and perhaps Sherlock's friend John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place before Sherlock finds out there are videos.
> 
> I am accepting prompts on Fanfiction.net and Livejournal. For more information on prompts, click [here for FF.net](http://www.fanfiction.net/u/5241068/) and go to the Accepting Prompts Section, or click [here for livejournal](http://ihscribe.livejournal.com/557.html) and see the Accepting Prompts post.


	9. All the Pies, Every Single One (Moriarty) (Double Prompt)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fandoms: Sherlock, Harry Potter
> 
> Characters: Harry Potter, Jim Moriarty
> 
> Prompt 1: pied!Jim
> 
> Prompt 1 Made By: I. H. Scribe
> 
> Prompt 2: Moriarty gets fudge pie to head
> 
> Prompt 2 Made By: SheWhoInfectsWithWrtitersBlock

Harry had hired a goblin to track down Moriarty for him. Sherlock had offered  _cash_  after all, which would be much better than going through Gringotts and getting the Galleon-to-Pound transfer (which the goblins always took a percentage of).

Then he went to get Sherlock's help. Harry'd need him to get Moriarty in place.

* * *

"By the way, I've got that video you asked for," Harry told Sherlock as soon as Molly introduced Jim. "Of Moriarty, and what he's been up to."

"Oh? Where is it?" Sherlock said. Neither of them looked at Jim, so they didn't give it away.

"My safe."

"The one in the kitchen?"

"Mm-hmm. More than one video actually. My detective got them for me."

"Have you seen them yet?" John asked.

"No."

"Then how can you be sure it's Moriarty on the videos?"

"For what I paid that detective, if it's not Moriarty I'll kill the bastard myself."

"I'll take a look when I'm done with this," Sherlock said.

"If they're still there," John said.

"It would take someone as smart as Sherlock to break into that safe. I change the combination every day, multiple times if Sherlock happens to have decided to break in."

After that, Jim made his excuses to leave. Sherlock waited five more minutes until he turned back to Harry.

" _That_  was Moriarty?"

"Yep."

"Who's Moriarty?" Molly asked.

"A very bad man," Harry said, "who is about to walk into the most hilarious trap ever."

"Oh no," John said. "That's where the pies start, isn't it? The safe in the kitchen?"

"Yep," Harry said. "Give me a second." Harry pulled out his laptop and did something on it, before turning it so the others could see. "Give Moriarty a few minutes to get there."

The four of them kept their attention on the laptop's screen. Moriarty finally showed up, and immediately found the safe. As the pies began flying, Sherlock handed over a wad of cash to Harry, who pocketed it with a smirk on his face.

* * *

As soon as the other man had said 'only someone as smart as Sherlock', Jim knew he'd have to be the one to get the video, before Sherlock was able to see it. Then he'd have to track down that private detective and get all his copies of the video too.

It wouldn't do to have Sherlock know who he was  _this_  early in the game.

He finally arrived to the other man's apartment. It was laughably easy to break into. Then Jim found the safe, hidden behind a painting – the only painting in the kitchen – and broke into that – the combination of which was 25-11-23. But there weren't any videos, hard drives, usb sticks, or anything that could be used to hold any type of video data at all in the safe.

There was only a pie.

And it was the first of many.

One pie to the face, one to the back of his head, one he only just managed to duck under, and then arms started coming out of the walls and tossing pies at him. Getting out of the kitchen wasn't any help. It wasn't just that another arm came down and slapped him in the face with another pie, but there were now holes in the living room wall that were shooting pies at him too!

Jim continued to be bombarded by dozens of pies until he was fully covered in them. A final pie slammed into the side of his head. Jim actually tasted that one, wiping a bit of it off his cheek – fudge pie.

"At least it's good pie," Jim said. And he would maintain, until his dying day, that that seltzer bottle appeared out of nowhere.

* * *

"I seriously have no idea where that keeps coming from," Harry said. "I don't even own a seltzer bottle."

"I want copies of that," Sherlock said.

"So do I," Molly said. All three turned to her with looks of surprise on their faces. "Well, he's obviously not Jim from IT, is he? Which means he lied to me, and now I have the perfect revenge to watch over and over again."

"I'll get you your copies," Harry told Molly, before turning to Sherlock and John and whispering loudly while pointing at Molly, said, "That girl scares me."

Molly giggled.

* * *

**IlikePieInTheMornings has sent you a YouTube video!**  popped up in Mycroft's email inbox. He opened it, and was surprised to find that this video  _wasn't_ private like they usually were, and that the person being pied _wasn't_  his brother.

_The Pied Burglar_  the video was called. Its summary read  _Watch what happens to this poor unsuspecting burglar who tried breaking into my safe._

Moriarty would  _never_  live this down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this takes place much later in the story, after Sherlock has dodged many pies. I really do feel sorry for Jim. It's so hard to be evil when video of you being covered in multiple pies appears on the internet.
> 
> Once again, it was x Ace x Girl x Called x Ace x's idea to use YKW (25-11-23) as a combination. John asking for an explanation of how this happened is next chapter, and Jim makes another visit later (but doesn't get pied again).
> 
>  
> 
> To avoid multiple requests for the same thing, the other prompts I've gotten for this story (and will get to eventually) are:
> 
> Pies: Mud Pie; S'mores Pie; Blackberry Pie; Blueberry Pie; French Silk Pie;
> 
> Safe Combinations: Teddy's initials; Ron's Initials; Hermione's initials
> 
> Sherlock: snooping around somewhere other than the kitchen and getting pied; breaking into the bakery and getting pied; trying to turn the tables
> 
> Harry: Pie Food Fight after Sherlock rigs something so Harry gets hit in his own apartment
> 
> John: goes to Harry's apartment and doesn't get pied; munching on a pie while watching Sherlock get pied
> 
> Irene: cream pie
> 
> Lestrade and team: Sherlock getting pied or almost pied in front of Lestrade and his team, followed by them pissing off Harry and getting their own pies
> 
> Anderson: gets pied


	10. Moriarty Set Up (No Pies)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fandoms: Sherlock, Harry Potter
> 
> Characters: Harry Potter, Sherlock Holmes, John Watson
> 
> Prompt: John wants to know how they got Moriarty to go for the safe.
> 
> Prompt Made By: I. H. Scribe
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the following series(es) or any character(s) that follow, and unless I. H. Scribe is listed after Prompt Made By chances are I don't own the idea for this story either.
> 
> Note: **Not as fluffy as the previous chapters, since Moriarty doesn't take getting pied well.**

They had been watching the video of Moriarty getting pied again when John said, "But I don't understand  _how_  you managed to pie Moriarty. Or  _why_  for that matter."

"Sherlock offered to pay me if I caught Moriarty in the same trap I've been getting him in," Harry said.

"The pies," John said.

"The pies. Anyway, first I had to  _find_  Moriarty. I hired a private detective to do that. One who I paid quite a bit of money to keep out of site. I really do have quite a bit of footage on Moriarty. Finally, a few weeks ago, I told him to let Moriarty figure out someone was following him, just to up his paranoia a bit. Then, when Sherlock invited me down to Bart's and Molly introduced her new boyfriend..."

* * *

_"I've got that video you asked for," Harry said. "Of Moriarty, and what he's been up to."_

* * *

"Why  _did_  Sherlock invite you?" John asked.

"He told me Moriarty was in town and he needed my help getting him into position to be pied. We had a basic script to follow," Sherlock said.

* * *

_"Oh? Where is it?"_

_"My safe."_

_"The one in the kitchen?"_

* * *

"And Moriarty bought it," Harry said. "Hook, line, and sinker. At least once you spoke up. He wasn't quite convinced until then."

* * *

_"How can you sure it's Moriarty on the videos?" John asked._

_"For what I paid that detective, if it's not Moriarty I'll kill the bastard myself."_

* * *

"And then of course insuring it was Moriarty that went instead of him sending one of his minions was easy," Sherlock said.

* * *

_"It would take someone as smart as Sherlock to break into that safe."_

* * *

"And then the pies happened," Harry said.

"And the seltzer bottle," Sherlock added.

"I swear, I have no idea where that keeps coming from."

"You're not afraid of Moriarty coming after you?" John asked.

"Oh, he already paid me a visit."

"What?" Sherlock and John said.

"Well, I put the video on YouTube didn't I? And it wasn't private like yours are. The  _whole world_  saw Jim Moriarty get absolutely covered in pies. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be the bad guy when everyone knows you as the dumbass burglar that got covered in pie? He wasn't happy."

* * *

"Hello Mr. Moriarty," Harry said, entering his apartment. Sherlock and John were out for the week, investigating something a few cities over.

"Evening Mr. Potter," Jim said. For whatever it was worth, Jim was certainly more polite then Voldemort, even while pointing a gun at him. "I'm afraid I'm here to kill you tonight."

"Oh? What for?"

"You made quite the mockery of me, Mr. Potter. Even Seb laughed at me."

"I find kicking men between the legs keeps them from laughing and gives the women something else to laugh at." Jim stared at him like he'd grown a second head. "Would you like some hot chocolate?"

"Hot chocolate?"

"Yes, milk, a little cocoa powder, some melted chocolate bars, and few secret ingredients of mine. It's a wonderful drink."

"I know what hot chocolate is," Jim said, annoyed. "Why are you offering it to me? I'm here to kill you. You did catch that part, right?"

"Well, yeah, but while you're drinking your hot chocolate, I'll be drinking my hot chocolate. That way we both get something sweet before I die."

"Oh." Jim tilted his head and thought a few minutes. "Fine, make it, but if you drug it, I'll drag your death out rather than just shoot you."

"Works for me." Harry busied himself making hot chocolate. With no Sherlock or John in the house – both of which had some sort of sixth sense for danger happening around them – and none of Mycroft's camera's working – Harry himself had Fred and George specially make his to work around magic; Mycroft's didn't have that advantage – Harry was on his own.

Luckily, Teddy was at his grandmother's house. If he had been here, Harry wouldn't have left his wand in his bedroom for the short trip to the grocery store, and Jim would have had a cutting curse to the neck as soon as Harry walked through the door.

Jim, surprisingly, was happy to make small talk and chat with Harry while he made the hot chocolate, and while they drank it. Finally, Harry figured out a way to get to his bedroom to get his wand.

"You know that video of you wasn't the only one," Harry said. "I never set up the pies for you specifically, I mean. I set them up for Sherlock."

"You have video of Sherlock getting hit by the pies?"

"Yes."

"And the seltzer bottle?"

"Yeah, but I honestly have no idea where that thing keeps coming from. I don't have a seltzer bottle. I can go get my laptop to show you if you'd like." His laptop was, conveniently, in his bedroom with his wand.

Jim looked torn between wanting to see those videos and wanting to kill Harry, but he finally agreed, "Go get it, but if you bring out any weapons-"

"I don't have any weapons – I wouldn't want my godson to find them while he's here. John's got a gun upstairs and between him and Sherlock this place is pretty well guarded." Harry collected his laptop quickly, and then put on his wrist holster and placed his wand in it. A few taps to the holster insured it would turn it, and his wand, invisible to anyone else's prying eyes.

As it turned out, Harry didn't have to use it. Jim was absolutely ecstatic to see Sherlock get hit with pie after pie after pie, and was perfectly willing to let Harry live if he would keep making more.

"I'm not sending the videos to you," Harry said. "Who knows what you'll do with them."

"I could come back every week or so. Ple-e-ease? I  _really_  want to see them."

"Every other Friday," Harry said. "Unless my godson's here. If you go anywhere near my godson, I'll kill you. Hurt him or his grandmother and I'll drag out  _your_ death. Understand?"

"Perfectly!" Harry cast a few time delayed spells at Jim's back as he left. Jim would wake up tomorrow with purple hair and hot pink skin. Let the asshole have fun trying to figure out how that happened.

* * *

"You're showing  _him_  the videos!?" Sherlock protested.

"Well, yeah, so he doesn't kill me," Harry said. "Or did you forget why he said he was there?"

"I should have never asked you to get video of him being pied."

"I'm pretty sure as long as the videos keep coming and I keep giving him hot chocolate, he'll stop trying to kill both of us. He won't have any more videos if one of us is dead."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To avoid multiple requests for the same thing, the other prompts I've gotten for this story (and will get to eventually) are:
> 
> Pies: Mud Pie; S'mores Pie; Blackberry Pie; Blueberry Pie; French Silk Pie; Custard Pie; Chicken Pie; Mushroom Pie; Pineapple Pie; Goo Pie; Gooseberry Pie; Mustard Pie; Banana Pie; Gravy Pie; Stew Pie; Ice Cream Pie; Kidney Pie; Vinegar and Milk Pie; Egg Pie; Vegetable Pie; Marmalade Pie; Onion Pie; Rhubarb Pie; Black Pudding and Haggis Pie; Tomato Ketchup Pie; Pie Flavoured Pie; Skittle Pie; Ink Pie; Marshmallow Pie; Coconut Pie; Strawberry Pie; Sand Pie; Cheesecake; Pecan Pie; Ice Cream Cake
> 
> Safe Combinations: Teddy's initials (20-18-12); Ron's Initials (18-02-23); Hermione's initials (08-10-07); #4 Privet Drive (04-16-04); PIE IS AWESOME (16-09-01); LOL (12-15-12); ICU (09-03-21); Percival Wulfric Brian (16-23-02); Hedwig, Snuffles, and Crookshanks (08-19-03); Luna Lovegood's Initials (12-19-12)
> 
> Sherlock: snooping around somewhere other than the kitchen and getting pied; breaking into the bakery and getting pied; trying to turn the tables
> 
> Harry: Pie Food Fight after Sherlock rigs something so Harry gets hit in his own apartment; forgets pie and Sherlock freaks out
> 
> John: goes to Harry's apartment and doesn't get pied; munching on a pie while watching Sherlock get pied; accidental pieing
> 
> Irene: crème pie
> 
> Lestrade and team: Sherlock getting pied or almost pied in front of Lestrade and his team, followed by them pissing off Harry and getting their own pies
> 
> Anderson: gets pied; gets pied a lot
> 
> Anderson and Sally: Grasshopper Pie
> 
> Mrs. Hudson: Find's Sherlock (or anyone) and reacting
> 
> Magnussen: sour cream apple pie when he thinks Sherlock is hiding blackmail evidence from him in Harry's safe

**Author's Note:**

> I am accepting prompts on Fanfiction.net and Livejournal. For more information on prompts, click [here for FF.net](http://www.fanfiction.net/u/5241068/) and go to the Accepting Prompts Section, or click [here for livejournal](http://ihscribe.livejournal.com/557.html) and see the Accepting Prompts post.


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